Real emails from Mom

Here's a segment I'd like to introduce called Real Emails from Mom.  These emails are not altered (and probably did not receive a response).  I get at least 5 emails a day from her, they are all one-liners sent in rapid fire because apparently its so much easier to write 5 one-line emails in a row than one email with five sentences. 

We just had a fire drill. At least it is nice out but still cool.

 I went out on my lunch looking for Diego cupcake papers (with no luck), but it is very windy.

Lots of bathing suit sales. At least I saw sales at penneys and macys in the past couple weeks.

Just a random thought dumping ground.  She doesn't understand why I don't respond - I don't know how!  Sometimes she'll send me texts that say "I'm at target."  Oh old people and technology.

-m

When we left off...

 This weird photo is quickly climbing the charts as one of our favorites

This blog got off to a slow start aka two posts and a lot of drafts.  Like most of our ideas, it started over a couple of vodka sodas with a lemon and a lime.  As usual, we socially isolated ourselves at a local hole-in-the-wall by speaking really fast and completely dismissing any boys who tried to hit on us.  For example, hipster asks us for a lighter, we say we don't have one, he tries to make small talk about trying to find one and I say "good luck on your journey" as Dana burst out laughing, totally shutting him down and adding to our c-blocking force-field made from 26 years-worth of our own language, hand gestures, facial expressions and obscure movie quotes.  We have other friends, but we're just basically a packaged deal.  Kristin, who does our hair, once said to a customer who said she knew Dana, "then you know Michelle too because you can't know one without knowing the other."  #truth.

When we last left off in May, I was engaged to a nice young man I had been dating for 8 years and Dana was my maid of honor.  Dana was struggling with the Buffalo dating scene and trying to pull one fish out of a sea full of old boots.  Part of the appeal of this blog was to chronicle her dating mishaps and the way we both manage to ruin everything around us at one point or another.  Of course we'd change the names to protect the innocent - it was going to be fun.  Fast forward about a week after this conversation and boom - Dana meets the rocker of her dreams.  Game over, he's perfect.  No more life-ruining, no more mishaps (yet...).  They're two peas in an upscale hippie pod and everyone is happy.  Meanwhile, my engagement is crumbling and eventually dissolved.  It was my decision but it was still hard as hell.  I have nothing but nice things to say about the guy and I will have respect and admiration for him for the rest of my life.  Thinking about a legally-binding event that will effect the rest of your life puts so many things into perspective - more posts on this later.  Since the break-up, I've moved in with 58-year-old single father who has ladies calling him every night (grrooosss) while I keep checking my phone to make sure I didn't accidentally turn it off.  Needless to say, our blog has taken a slight turn.

We will now talk about our new lives and the spasticness that is sure to follow us around on a daily basis.  We look forward to entertaining you, and most importantly, ourselves.  Stay tuned and thanks for reading.

Love,
The LP's.

Gmail sums it up...

Actual subject lines on our emails

Long hair, don't care

Dana's ombre

Here is my first entry.
by Dana

I was at the salon today and wanted to 'check in' on Facebook. Because I can't just be normal, I need to try and say something clever to impress my LP. I was waiting and waiting until I thought of something funny. The blonde dye on my hair was almost done turning my hair to the perfect shade of frizz so I knew I didn't have much more time with my phone. A lot of my girlfriends on Instagram and twitter hashtag everythingwith "long hair don't care", so I almost went with that until something in my gut told me to google it because I wanted to know where it was from. This is what I found:

Lil Wayne often uses this phrase in his lyrics. He is saying that he doesn't care if a woman has a "bush" or long pubic hair. He will still fuck you.

That ones for Corpirate & G3Slash. (aka the West Coast Operation)